Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
