Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
