I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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