so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't put those talents on a resume
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
