this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
