Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
