What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
