I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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