Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
