just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
