sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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