So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
