we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
