don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
