I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
