woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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