I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
