toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
