So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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