I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
