She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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