we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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