This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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