and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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