I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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