Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
