grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
