Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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