the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
