I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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