So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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