he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
