we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
