Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
