I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
