You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
