Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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