You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
