the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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