see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
