Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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