Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize