Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize