next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
