We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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