see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
