Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
