I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
