Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
