I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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