well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
