The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
