Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
