Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
