i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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