HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
