I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
