You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
