home. puking in laundry basket.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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