Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
