You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
