My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
