Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
