I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
True strength comes from lack of pants
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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