you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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