I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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