I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dear god my vagina.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize