I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
